Friday, August 20, 2010

His Timing


I saw this beautiful golden cloud the other day as the sun was setting and we were driving home. This iPhone pic doesn't do it justice. It just looked like a big ball of golden goodness.
This picture reminds me just how powerful God is. Seriously, with all the stress of this week, I've thought many, many times that everything happens in God's timing. If God will bring you to it, He'll also bring you through it. And, that's just what He has done.
I've also reminded myself time and time again not to live for tomorrow, but take pleasure in today. Even if today is very stressful and you can't wait for tomorrow to get here; there is always some type of pleasure to be found today.
There's so many things that I don't talk about here on the blog. Like, for instance, the fact that hubs and I have been trying to have a baby for a little over a year now. I have no idea what is going on, except that my body, that God created, has a mind of it's own. I know that I need to go to the doctor to see if there is something that is abnormal, but I'm scared to. I'm scared to know what God has in store for me. I always thought that my story would be that hubs and I got married, we'd live husband and wife for a while, then we'd become a family of three or more. I never really wondered if the process would be difficult, because you hear of so many couples that weren't even trying to get pregnant and yet it happened.
Yesterday was the first day of school for so many school districts around here. On Facebook there were tons and tons of "First Day of School" pictures. It was bittersweet for me. I loved to see the cute little happy kids of my friends, going off to their first days of school, but then I also wondered if we'd ever get to post any of those pictures. I'm sure you're all saying that of course we will, but honestly, I'm so frustrated that it's hard to see that.
I've held back saying all of this on the blog, because I know that I have some family members out there reading this. Some of them have no idea that we're even trying to have children; others have no idea that I'm feeling this way inside. Honestly, I'm not sure how much hubs knows about how I'm feeling. Trust me, I've cried to him a few times. We've had the "what if" discussions, but I always feel bad for sitting there and whining to him, because I know he feels some of the same ways but wont say anything in fear of making me more upset. So, I just pray. I pray a lot. And I know that my thoughts aren't the same thoughts that God has. I know he's telling me that our story will happen in His timing. I know it's all about God's timing. Not just with this story, but in all the chapters and stories of our lives. We just have to have patience and trust in God. It's easy to trust God when things are going your way, but it's really when things aren't going as YOU planned them, that you need to trust God. For He is always with us and watching over us. And, He has our story all planned out.




6 comments:

Emily said...

Thank you for sharing your story! I found you through Kelly's Korner then through dustyandamy.com. I have been trying to have a baby for 1 1/2 years. I'm like you and have been scared to see a doctor about it. Today happens to be my first appointment with an infertility specialist. Wow, your blog post came at the perfect time in my life! Thank you for reminding me that I need to be open to God's plan. I know He has the best plan for my life. Your story means more to me than I can express.

Sincerely,
Emily
www.timelesspaper.com/blog

rueyes03 said...

I found your blog through Kelly's Korner and it's definitely God sent!! My husband and I have been struggling to have a child as well. We finally shared with our friends and family about our trouble this weekend, and since then, it seems that everywhere we turn, God is telling us this same thing. Everywhere I look on the internet, every Bible verse I read seems to be saying exactly what you're saying here. It doesn't make it any easier, but it's wonderful to know He holds us in His arms and that our time will come. Thank you for sharing, and please know that you're not alone in this!! Praying for His peace and His will for us!!

In Christ,
Kari in Virginia

Mrs.LifeAccounts said...

Found your post through Chapters! I can relate to what you're going through, my husband and I have been going through something similar. We finally went to see the doctors awhile and honestly, I was kicking myself for not going a whole lot sooner. On the one hand, all the tests that came back normal told me that it just wasn't God's timing and there is nothing crazy out of whack. The ones that didn't come back normal, gave me something to, to focus on getting right, while I wait on God's timing. Getting the initial test results back was like having a huge burden lifted off our shoulders, we were trusting in God for the timing but the thought that something could be wrong with one or both of us was still overwhelming us big time. Some of the original basic tests for hormones and for the guy aren't too expensive. Ours weren't covered by insurance but the insurance company still had negotiated a substantial discount with the providers.

***Positively Preppy in Pink*** said...

Found your blog post through Chapters. Thank you for sharing what you've shared. I cannot understand the worry that must be consuming you or the thoughts that must run through your mind each day.

My struggle is a very different one, but I must say it is so difficult to trust that God has a special plan for us. It's hard to pray day after day wondering what is going to happen or when something is going to happen. Thank you though for reminding me to live for today and not be consumed with things that are happening in the future or things that COULD happen in the future.

Thank you!

amy (metz) walker said...

As someone currently going through this journey, I'm so sorry to know you are a fellow traveler! It's hard to trust and not lose hope (I struggle with that often) but I say prayers for those struggling with infertility every time I pray for my own body! Hope you hold your little one in your arms before you know it!

Josey said...

I'm just starting to follow your blog, but I just wanted to say that I admire you for opening up about your struggles. The only way to raise awareness and compassion and support for Infertility issues is to share our journey with family and friends. I look forward to an update on this!